We spend so much time in the workplace that colleagues begin to feel like family members. We work together, laugh together, and even spend time together outside working hours. Unfortunately, it’s usually not that easy when it comes to death. Most companies don’t have guidelines on how to deal with grieving employees or the death of an employee.
Even though it’s a universal experience, death is often still taboo in the workplace, which makes it challenging to navigate. This article will help you find ways to help people process the loss and begin healing without stopping the workplace from functioning. It will also provide handy tips on coping with the death of a co-worker.
Understanding Grief and Its Effects
Suffering a significant loss comes with powerful emotions. The grieving person fluctuates between different stages, including shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. Only when they finally reach the acceptance stage can they begin the healing process.
Because everyone grieves differently, we experience these stages in different ways. Some people go through them in a few days; others take significantly longer. Not everyone experiences all the stages of grief, and we may go through them in a different order.
There is no timeline for grief. Some start experiencing it and working through the stages immediately, while others only begin to grieve weeks or months after the loss. For example, someone who lost a close co-worker may appear to be coping well but suddenly become highly emotional during a meeting months after the death.
Recognizing Grief in the Workplace
Grief in the workplace has serious symptoms that can affect productivity and employee engagement. Some of the symptoms are:
- Not being able to focus on daily tasks.
- A lack of motivation for doing your job.
- Difficulty with making decisions.
- Feeling confused or forgetful.
- Worrying about other family members or finances.
- Lowered energy levels.
- Changes in appetite.
- Fluctuating energy levels and mood.
- Poor sleeping habits.
- Inability to concentrate and focus.
- Withdrawal from social interactions.
- An increased risk of injury or illness.
If you or any of your co-workers are experiencing these symptoms, check if the company has additional resources like an employee assistance program. Some programs provide grief counseling.
By offering support, you can make it easier for your co-worker to deal with the loss of a loved one while navigating the workplace.
Working Through Your Grief
If you are the person dealing with the death of a loved one, it’s essential to take the time you need before returning to the workplace. Most people will find it challenging to work during the early stages of grief. But life goes on, and we don’t have unlimited access to paid time off, even if we are heartbroken.
Here are some guidelines to work through grief and loss before you return to your job and some advice on coping with it after returning to your workplace.
Before You Return to Work
Communicate
While you are still on bereavement leave, keep your supervisor and a close co-worker up to date about what you are experiencing. If appropriate, ask them to relay messages or updates to co-workers.
Take time
Find out how much bereavement leave is available at your workplace. It’s normal for some people to need more time off work to navigate their grief or receive grief counseling. Ask your supervisor about paid time off before you return to work when you’re not ready.
Accept condolences and help in an informal setting
Before returning to work, meet co-workers in an informal setting. It will help you accept condolences and express how you feel away from the work environment. If it’s appropriate and you feel comfortable, allow your co-workers to help you with daily tasks.
After Returning to Work
Slowly ease into your normal day
You don’t have to feel like everything has to get back to normal immediately. Ease into your daily routine. Talk to your supervisor about your workload and work out a sensible plan to get back to your job. The intense sadness will not continue forever, and you will return to being the type of employee you were before.
Communication is crucial
Remember, many supervisors have already dealt with employees who have lost a loved one. Or they have had to deal with their own loss and grief. There is a good chance that they will have some understanding of your situation. Keep communication flowing by regularly meeting with your supervisor and updating them on how you are.
Ask for time, and take it
Take the time you need to deal with your loved one’s death. Don’t be afraid to ask for an additional short break a couple of times a day. Take this time to find a quiet place to be alone if that will help you get through the day.
If you’re not getting enough sleep every night, you may feel tired throughout the day, making it even more important to take short breaks to recuperate. Most people at work will sense that you’re not back to normal yet, and give you the support you need during this trying time.
Don’t take on more than necessary
Say no to extra work if you feel it could be overwhelming. However, if you think it would be helpful to take on additional responsibilities to help you through the grief, go ahead and ask for more work.
If you take on additional work, remember not to overdo it or use these tasks to escape your emotions completely. It’s important to acknowledge the grief and work through it. Also, remember that you may struggle with concentrating and retaining information for a while. Ask co-workers to write things down or email them to you. Try making to-do lists and lists of things to remember.
Don’t make major decisions too soon
Avoid making any major work or personal decisions for several months or longer. Grief has the uncanny ability to cloud thought processes, making important decisions risky. It’s okay for any grieving person to take time out on decision-making. It’s better to wait rather than decide something you may regret later.
If making important decisions is an integral part of your job, and you feel you should not be making them, discuss it with your supervisor. Consider asking if there is an employee assistance program to help get you through the loss.
Be patient
Do your best to be patient with yourself and with co-workers and supervisors. Most people mean well with however they are behaving towards you. Some co-workers may appear to be distant or cold. They may be uncomfortable with death and uncertain about dealing with your grief. You are not responsible for their discomfort, so try to be patient.
Other co-workers will offer platitudes and clichés. Understandably, you’re tired of hearing, “They’re in a better place/at peace,” “Life goes on,” or “I know how you feel.” Everyone deals with life and losses differently. Accept that it’s their way of offering support and that they are not purposely diminishing your grief. If someone says something hurtful, like, “Get over it,” or “Everything happens for a reason,” it’s okay to tell them it’s hurtful.
Be patient with yourself and how you feel, even if it feels that your life will never get back to what it was. It may take longer than you expected before you begin to feel better after losing your loved one. No matter how long it takes for you to process the pain, rest assured you will eventually feel normal again. Give yourself as much time to heal as you need.
Acknowledge your grief
When a loved one dies, it affects almost every aspect of our lives. How long and how you experience grief is up to you. Everyone deals with their own loss in their way. Even a grief specialist can’t put a timeline on the process. The important thing is to accept that you may experience extreme feelings like intense sadness and acknowledge this as part of the healing journey. Try not to ignore or deny how you feel, even when you’re at your workplace. Instead, excuse yourself and go somewhere private where you can express your emotions safely.
Acknowledging your grief may also mean talking about the person who died with a close co-worker or bringing a photo or memento of them to work. Once you’ve acknowledged the loss, it’s easier to accept support from your employer and other employees. You could talk to your supervisor about further support, for example:
- Extra bereavement leave if you’ve come back to work and you’re not coping with it.
- Financial advice and assistance.
- Additional resources like bereavement counseling or an employee assistance program.
Allow other employees to be supportive
Engage with co-workers who would listen to you talk about your loved one and how you feel about the loss. If you are close to anyone at work, you could ask them to let other co-workers know how you are so you don’t have to deal with questions while experiencing grief in the workplace. If you struggle to meet a deadline or complete a task, ask for help from co-workers and accept it.
Be kind to yourself
Some days will be easier, and you’ll get a good deal done. But, other days will be more difficult, especially in the early stages of grief. Try to eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep, and get some exercise, even if it’s just short daily walks. Consider getting grief counseling if you’re not able to function well enough in everyday life. Short-term counseling can help you to cope.
Helping a Grieving Co-worker
It’s not always easy to support employees in a work environment, especially when someone is devastated by losing a family member or someone close to them. Even if they’ve returned to the workplace, it doesn’t mean they’ve come to terms with the loss. Many people stay in the denial stage of grief for months before they begin to experience other stages.
If you sense that a co-worker is struggling with grief, they may show some of the following symptoms:
- Bursting into tears.
- Becoming angry suddenly or for no apparent reason.
- A lack of concentration.
- Social withdrawal.
If you want to help your colleague, you could acknowledge their grief to give them a chance to talk. After someone has suffered a loss, they may need relief from constant questions, so it’s best to offer help instead. Make it clear that you can assist with practical tasks like errands, preparing meals, and helping with children and pets.
Provide patience and compassion, even if they are still struggling to process the pain months later. They may need ongoing care beyond the initial rush of sympathy. If you suspect that they’re not coping with their job, life, and feelings of grief and loss, suggest bereavement counseling.
Practical Ways to Help a Grieving Co-worker
- Donate vacation time to them and encourage other employees to do the same.
- Organize and share the workload while your co-worker is on bereavement leave. Let them know that their work is being taken care of. Communicate about this with your supervisor, and do regular check-ins.
- When your co-worker returns to the workplace, offer to help lighten the workload and encourage other employees to do the same.
- Get in touch with a family member to arrange appropriate support at home for your colleague. You may want to help with meals or childcare or help raise funds to cover costs.
- Organize an appropriate workplace memorial, for example, a scholarship, a bench, or even planting a tree in the deceased’s honor.
- Keep an eye on your co-worker and watch for self-destructive behavior. If they show signs of alcohol or drug dependency or appear severely depressed, suicidal, or unable to cope with essential aspects of life, talk to a supervisor or HR manager.
Here are a few other dos and don’ts you should consider:
Do
- Accept that you cannot make them feel better.
- Offer friendship; don’t analyze them.
- Be available to hold space.
- Accept that they will want to be silent or alone sometimes.
- Acknowledge crying and other expressions without judgment. They are all crucial experiences in the grief process.
- Attend the funeral or memorial service if possible.
- Respect cultural differences in the service.
- Remind your colleague to be patient with themselves.
- Assure them that you will maintain your support as long as they need it.
- Offer practical help if you cannot be there for them emotionally.
Don’t
- Don’t avoid grieving co-workers.
- Never downplay the loss or ignore it.
- Don’t avoid saying the deceased loved one’s name.
- Don’t change the subject or look away when death comes up in conversation.
- Avoid being judgemental about their actions.
- Don’t believe the process is the same for everyone or has a specific timeline.
- Avoid platitudes or clichés.
- Don’t be afraid of the person’s suffering.
If the deceased is somebody you’ve worked with, you and other employees will be coping with the death together, but everyone will deal with it in their own way.
How to Cope With the Death of a Co-worker
Let’s explore some healthy practices for coping in the workplace when a colleague dies.
#1. Respect relationships
Experiencing grief in the workplace is different for every employee. A colleague may feel like a close family member to some, but others may not have known them very well. It’s important to know that everyone will experience the loss differently, and some will take longer to process it.
#2. Communicate
Even if management does not actively support employees after the death, don’t be afraid to talk to colleagues about your feelings and ask about their experiences. According to grief experts, remembering the person you lost can help you process the grief more effectively. Laughing and crying are part of the grieving process. You could even consider having a memorial service with other grieving employees at work.
#3. Give Back
Speak to management about the death and how you could commemorate the co-worker’s life. Focus on doing something that can improve morale. Perhaps plant a tree in the deceased’s honor, or have a fundraiser. Doing something positive may even help the family or support employees struggling with the loss.
#4. Flexibility
During a time of loss, there may be a need for flexibility in work hours to accommodate a funeral or memorial service. Or, it may be helpful to allow employees flexibility in job performance. However, grief works differently for everyone. A grieving employee may not want a lighter workload, and the routine could be a welcome distraction from the emotional pain and helpful with navigating the grief.
#5. Respect Privacy
It’s okay to ask grieving individuals how they are doing, but don’t assume they want to talk about it. Some people find open conversations helpful in dealing with grief. Others feel overwhelmed by grief, and it will take a while before they’re ready to talk about it. Let the grieving person speak if they want to and respect their privacy if they don’t.
Conclusion
If you’re unsure of the best way to deal with the grieving process in the workplace, the first step is to speak about your feelings and needs. You don’t have to share everything with everyone, but the workplace can be a comforting space for someone who has experienced a loved one’s death with open communication and support.