When a pet dies, it’s as if a family member has passed away, and it’s especially challenging for children.
As a parent, it’s natural for you to protect your children from the grieving process after a pet’s death. You must find ways to help your kids cope.
This article outlines methods you can take to aid your child before and after the death of a beloved pet.
Before The Pet’s Death
You can help your child cope better with a pet’s passing by letting them know it’s coming.
A study published in the Journal of Environmental Education interviewed children between 6 and 14. Many children said the day their pet died was the worst day ever. According to the study, despite their age, children are quick at identifying if the animal lived to an appropriate age.
If your pet’s life has been cut short due to an unfortunate illness or an accident, instead of shielding your children, use it as an opportunity to aid their grieving process.
Tell Your Children Right Away
When you lose a pet, your kids are going to need some reassurance. Don’t wait until they ask questions — tell them right away that their beloved pet has passed away.
“If they know that it’s not coming back, they’re not going to be looking for it,” says Dr. Matthew Breen, author of “The Loss of a Pet: Helping Children Understand Grief.”
This will help them to be prepared rather than feeling blindsided by the news. It’s also an excellent time to talk about what happens when pets die and why treating them with respect is important.
Sharing The News
The conversation about a pet’s loss can be emotionally challenging. The most important thing you can do is talk honestly and openly about death, says Dr. Jeanette Mumford, author of “Helping Children Cope With Grief.”
Be Prepared for Questions
Your child will probably have lots of questions about death, especially if it’s their first experience with it. Be ready with an age-appropriate explanation that helps them understand what’s happened without scaring them too much.
If you’re unsure what to say, ask yourself: “What would I want my child to know if they were in this situation?” Then use your best judgment. Don’t feel the need to answer right away.
Let your child ask questions and talk about how they feel, then explain when you’re ready.
Explain Euthanasia
If your child is old enough and ready to understand euthanasia for pets, explain that it is a kind way to end the suffering of a sick pet. It is crucial for children to know that it is a tough decision for pet owners.
Explain that an animal’s life can be concise, and sometimes there comes a time when it is best to let them go. A pet may experience pain or discomfort that can’t be treated or controlled, or they may have an illness that will not get better.
Prepare For Your Child’s Reaction
Your child may have very different reactions to the death of a loved one. Some children are calm and mature, while others cry or become angry. It’s essential to be supportive of your child’s emotions and help them work through them.
Be prepared for your child’s reaction and encourage them to express their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad or angry after losing a pet and that you are there for them. Don’t try to force a smile or make your child feel better; listen and be supportive.
After The Pet’s Death
It’s not easy to comfort your child after a pet’s death. You may be feeling sad, too, and finding it hard to find the right words to say. Once you have had the conversation about the deceased pet, you want to reassure your child that they are not alone in their feelings.
Comforting Your Child
Keep The Channels Of Communication Open
At such a young age, the concept of death is new to children, and they may question why did the pet die. They may need some time to cope with the grief, and once they’re ready, your child may seek a comfortable space to share their feelings.
It’s essential to keep communication channels open with your children after a pet’s death. If they want to talk, let them know they can come to you any time.
You can also help your children by giving them a chance to express their feelings. Let them talk about what they remember about the pet, how they felt when it died, and what they would like to do with its belongings.
Reassure Your Child
Reassurance is a way for parents to comfort children when they’re afraid or worried. It helps kids feel safe and secure and gives them a chance to talk about their grief and process it.
Reassurance can take many forms, including words, touch, hugs, and time. The following are some examples of reassurance that you can say to your child:
- I know this is hard.
- I’m here for you.
- We will get through this together.
- I know you are sad, and it’s okay to cry.
Do Your Best to Answer Your Child’s Questions
Your child will most likely have many questions about a pet’s death. If this is your child’s first experience with death, it can be helpful to offer some structure for conversations by preparing an answer in advance.
For example, your child may ask about the afterlife of animals. You can either draw inspiration from your spiritual and religious background or answer by saying, “I don’t know what happens when animals die, but I believe that they go to heaven and are happy there.”
Don’t sugarcoat the situation or make it seem less sad than it is. It’s okay for your child to ask for help in dealing with grief, but avoid making promises you can’t keep (like “I promise this won’t happen again!”).
Encourage Your Child To Maintain Their Normal Routine
While it’s essential that your child take some time off from school and daily routine to cope with pet loss, it’s not healthy to do so long-term. It can be detrimental to your child’s physical and mental health.
Encourage them to attend school whenever possible, even if they go for a couple of hours each day.
Ensure you aren’t pressuring your child to get over their pet’s death too quickly. Give them space and let them work through feelings about the loss in their way.
If they feel it’s too hard to return right away, suggest that they go part-time or take online classes until they’re ready to return full-time.
You must maintain a sense of normalcy for your child. If they’re at school, this will help them keep up with their studies and social life.
Periodically Check On Your Children If They’re Struggling To Cope
If you suspect your child is having a hard time coping with the loss of their pet, you must step in and offer support. Some signs you should look out for include the following:
- Frequent crying.
- A loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy (such as playing their favorite video game).
- Signs of depression, such as sleeping more than usual, isolating themselves from family and friends, and having a change in eating habits.
- Changes in school performance; for example, if your child is having difficulty concentrating on their homework or completing assignments on time.
You can help them to process their feelings about the loss of their pet by talking about how it happened or what might have caused it. You can also help them to come up with ways of dealing with their feelings, such as writing in a journal or drawing pictures.
It’s also vital that you don’t dismiss the fact that they are lost without their pet—it may seem silly to you, but for them, it’s an incredibly significant loss and something that will take time for them to get over.
Consider contacting a therapist to help your child work through their feelings and give them tools to manage them. A therapist may also help you better understand how best to support your child during this difficult time.
Don’t Forget About Yourself
As an adult and a parent, it is easy to dismiss your pets as just animals after their death. While helping your kids process the loss of their pet, don’t forget about yourself.
You may be feeling grief as well, and it’s crucial that you take time to mourn the loss of your pet healthily.
If you need help coping with the death of your pet or have any other questions regarding this topic, contact a therapist or grief counselor in your area. You’ll be better positioned to help your kids if you take care of your feelings first.
Remembering The Pet
Remembering a pet can help children cope with grief. A study by researchers at the University of Cambridge, published in the journal Developmental Psychology, involved interviewing more than 100 families who had lost their pets to an illness, unfortunate accident, or death.
It found that most parents reported that their child had coped well after the death of their pet and that remembering the animal was an important way for them to do so.
The following are some tips for helping children remember their pets:
Memorial Service
A memorial service can be a wonderful way to honor the memory of your pet. It can be as simple or elaborate as you wish and include music, poetry, readings, and a eulogy.
You might want to include pictures of your pet in the service or speak a few words about your pet’s unique qualities. Ask your children to do the same and if any family members are taking part in the service, ask them to share a story about the pet.
Plant A Tree To Honor The Pet’s Memory
You can plant a tree or flowers where the pet’s body is buried. This will help your children remember their pets during the special time when they see the blossoms on their tree or flowers.
You can also have a plaque engraved with your pet’s name and the date of their passing; however, it depends on how much you want to spend.
You can also scatter the pet’s ashes in a special place that was important to your pet, such as the lake where they swam or the park where they played. This is a great way to help your children remember their beloved pets in the years to come.
Create A Scrapbook
If you can, creating a scrapbook containing all the photos and notes about your pet is a good idea.
This way, you can share the scrapbook with your children as they grow older, and they’ll be able to reflect on the memories made. You can also get them involved in the process by letting them help pick out photos or write down stories about their pet.
Set Aside A Place In Your Home As A Memorial Spot
If you can, it’s a good idea to set aside a place in your home as a memorial spot where you can keep photos, toys, or other items that remind you of your pet.
This is a great way to keep your pet’s memory alive and share it with your children. As your children learn to cope with grief, they can visit the memorial spot and remember their pets. This can help them feel like they are still part of the family, even though they aren’t there anymore.
Final Thoughts
It can be challenging to help young children cope with grief when their primary support system – the person or animal they have lost, is (seemingly) gone forever.
It’s important to remember that there is no “right” way for children to feel about their loss. Each child will uniquely experience grief, and it is up to the parents to provide them with the tools they need to cope with their feelings.
Remind your child that the pain of losing a pet will go away, and the happy memories will always remain. When you’re ready, consider adopting a new pet—not as a replacement for your old one but to add another animal friend to the family.