Death is an inevitable part of everyone’s life and attending a visitation or memorial service can leave anyone feeling a bit uncomfortable.
Even though some of us might have experience, most individuals don’t know how to deal with ceremonies, local traditions, and the customs surrounding them after a loved one passes away.
Funeral visitation is the first phase of the funeral process. Friends and family gather to pay their grievances and last respects to the deceased person.
Keep reading as we share information regarding visitation, the etiquette you need to follow, and all the relevant questions you might have about visitations.
What Is a Visitation?
It is a gathering of family, loved ones, and close friends a day or two before the wake, funeral viewing, and memorial service.
The family’s home, a religious building, or funeral homes are preferred choices for visitation. The deceased’s body is typically kept in an open casket to view.
Before we explore information about visitations, here are the three phases of a funeral you need to be familiar with.
- The first phase of the funeral is the visitation, which we’ll discuss later.
- The second phase of the process is the funeral itself, where people gather formally to say their last goodbyes to the deceased.
- The last step of the process is the memorial service, where family members and loved ones gather to remember the deceased after their funeral.
Visitations held through a funeral service usually take place in a funeral home with a scheduled time to visit. The event is scheduled for a set period, mainly between 2 p.m. to 5 p.m., and visitors don’t need to attend the visitation for the entire time.
The deceased’s family members plan it through a funeral director.
The Purpose of a Visitation
Not only is it imperative to support friends and family members of the deceased during a funeral or a visitation, but it’s also crucial to pay a visit and pay your respects to the deceased and their family members.
Unlike a funeral, there is no formal service at a visitation, leaving it to you to decide the timing and duration of the visit.
Here are some reasons defining the purpose of visitation.
- Traditionally, a visitation is conducted to allow friends, close family members, loved ones, and friends to view the deceased’s body.
- If you have admiration and respect for the deceased, paying respects, sharing a few moments, and offering condolences to the family can be done by attending a visitation.
- When you can’t be at the funeral viewing or are hesitant to go to a memorial service, attending a visitation would be a workable choice.
What Happens At a Visitation?
How a visitation or a funeral is conducted depends on religion, culture, and local customs. The family’s home or the funeral home would be the venue for the visitation. You’ll sign a guest book as you arrive at the venue.
Maintaining a record is preferred by most families as they are in sorrow and grief. The family can look at the guest list later to know who attended.
The body of the deceased is displayed in a casket, or their cremations are placed for people to view and offer condolences.
If too many people are attending, you might have to wait in line for your turn to view the deceased’s body or pay condolences to the family members.
For smaller gatherings, seek out a family member, share memories, and offer support and condolences.
If appropriate, you can read religious readings for the deceased or share poems and memories about them.
After you are done offering your condolences, it’s up to you to stay or leave the visitation. Still, it is best to know the customs and the protocol to follow to know what to expect at the event.
The Difference Between a Funeral and Visitation
Most people confuse a visitation with a funeral, failing to follow the correct etiquette. Let’s compare the differences between a funeral and visitation to have a clear perspective on these phases of a funeral.
Dress Code To Follow
Always dress appropriately whether you go to a funeral, a visitation, or a wake. Funeral etiquette requires formal dressing with dark and muted colors, whereas, at a visitation, you don’t need to follow a specific dress code.
The cultural norms, traditions, and religious influences change funeral viewing etiquette. Therefore, make sure you know what is appropriate.
Etiquette
If you have never been to a funeral or a visitation, you may feel confused about how to behave. Here’s a quick rundown of visitation and funeral etiquette.
Talk Softly
Whether it’s a memorial service, a funeral viewing, or a visitation, speak softly, ensuring no one gets disturbed by your voice or behavior.
Most people are unable to channel their emotions and might cry at the event. If you feel you can’t control your emotions, it is best to excuse yourself from the premises.
Sitting At The Venue
Staying at a visitation is unnecessary, as these are come-and-go events. You can sit for a while when the funeral home is crowded. Otherwise, going in and paying respects to the deceased is all you have to do.
On the other hand, a funeral service is a formal event where you will be sitting for the duration of the event.
Arriving At The Venue
As visitations are somewhat short events, the funeral service or the family will announce the schedule. For example, if the event is scheduled from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., you can pay a visit at a time anywhere between 3 and 5:50 p.m. Unless you are an immediate family member, it’s okay to view the body, pay your respects, and leave.
However, when attending a funeral, it is imperative to show up on time before it begins. Most people prefer arriving 5 minutes early at the venue.
Everyone at the funeral is in grief and sorrow. Showing up late at the funeral will only disturb the solemn atmosphere.
Switching Off Your Phone
Always switch off your phone or any digital device that can disturb others. Using a phone at such events is poor phone etiquette and should always be avoided.
You definitely shouldn’t use your phone to take pictures. Alternatively, you can have it on silent mode, but remember to reply to a text or talk after excusing yourself from the premises.
Giving Gifts
Typically, these events don’t require the guest to give gifts. But there are some exceptions.
Most people like to send flower arrangements or decorative plants to the family of the deceased. In that case, ensure the flower arrangement you are sending arrives early at the funeral home before the specified time of the event.
Besides flower arrangements, you can donate to the memorial fund by contacting a funeral home staff member. Giving jewelry, photo frames, or any other personal gift should always be avoided.
Communicating With Family And Friends
Sometimes, it becomes problematic to figure out what you need to say to family and friends who are already grieving.
A good way would be to start with paying condolences, sharing fond memories, talking about the person’s life, or sharing a few favorite stories if you have the appropriate time.
Choosing Between a Visitation and the Funeral
A visitation and a funeral are both events conducted in honor of the deceased.
It’s up to you to attend the visitation only or the funeral. You might feel obligated to participate in both vents, but it’s unnecessary unless you are immediate family and had a close relationship with the deceased.
Visitations and funerals are organized by relatives, and the families choose who to invite.
Therefore, respecting their invitation is good funeral etiquette to practice. However, if you can’t attend both events, select the funeral service, as it’s often considered the main event.
At a visitation, you can get some personal time to spend with family members and talk to them for a while. In contrast, the chances of speaking personally to family members are demanding at a funeral.
Modern-Day Visitations
Traditionally, most visitations follow the standard protocol of displaying the body in a casket, but nowadays, more people opt for direct cremation.
Although it’s a personal choice of the dead or family members, cremations are mostly done due to reasons:
- The cause of death may be an illness that changes the body.
- When a postmortem is conducted.
- The body decomposed due to inadequate care.
- The deceased has requested before their death to cremate their body.
Bottom Line
Funerals and visitation are difficult, but they are something we need to do in respect of our loved ones. Even when you feel uncomfortable viewing a dead body, don’t let that feeling overpower you and stop you from attending a visitation. Going to these events shows respect and affection for the deceased person, their families, and life itself.